Biyernes, Setyembre 18, 2015

Heart exposed.

What if I told you that I don't see life anymore?

Before I go to details, let me clear this first. I received Jesus and I love him so much. I'd dedicate my life to him and He is the best thing that had happen in my entire existence. I know how much he loves me and for ME he shed his blood, died and rose again. He turned my life 180 degree. I am a work in progress. Sinner saved by grace.

And right now, despite of knowing these amazing truths, I can't stop thinking about leaving this world. I see this fallen world broken and crying. It is full of pain and sufferings. It is doomed. The world needs Jesus. And I am so selfish to think about this:

I am certain of eternity with Jesus and He is my ultimate goal. To be with Jesus is my greatest desire.
I want to disappear now. I want to die. I want to end this life. IF you would ask me why, I have these reasons:

Sufferings. Hardships. Pain. Loneliness. Rejection. Pressure.

As I am writing this, I was able to identify that my motives are not good. I only want to see Jesus because I'm having a hard time and not because I really want to see and be with him. The other night, a thought came to me - what if I'm not experiencing hardships and it is almost invisible? Would I still think of being with my Jesus?

It's easy to desire to be with our Lord if we are experiencing difficulties in life. Ang daling sabihing "Lord kunin mo na po ako!" pero do I really mean it? Handa na ba akong humarap sa Lord? For a certain reason, God is refining and shaping my character. My endurance in times of hardships. Truly His grace is made perfect in our weaknesses. (2Cor 12:9)

And so my heart is revealed. It only thinks about comfort and happiness. I am rebuked. I should share in the sufferings of Jesus. I should take part in the pain He had. I should endure and let His glory be revealed in my weaknesses. His grace is enough for me.

I really want to be with my Lord Jesus, but until I see His face living for his glory is my heartbeat.

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