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This is a confession.



My prayer life is a mess. I've been inconsistent with my daily devotions.


How is this a problem?


Prayer and studying the bible is a key component of growing my relationship with Jesus. Consistency is the key. However, I am no longer doing it religiously.


I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now the only consistency in my life is my inconsistency. (Yaconelli, 2002)

I'm quoting this from a book called Messy spirituality. I feel the same. I found myself in this author's words. I feel like this guy's confession is mine too.

"Who I want to be and who I am are not very close together. I don’t want to be St. John of the Cross or Billy Graham. I just want to be remembered as a person who loved God, who served others more than he served himself, who was trying to grow in maturity and stability." (Yaconelli, 2002)


Most of the time, what I say who I want to be is very different from the reality- a perfect epitome of hypocrisy. 

But the truth is, we are a mess. None of us is who we appear to be. We all have secrets. We all have issues. We all struggle from time to time. No one is perfect. Not one. (Yaconelli, 2002)


What can I do? I'm really a messy person. I'm not saying that I cannot be transformed by the word of God. Jesus has been transforming my life since I accepted and entered into an eternal relationship with him. Each new day I always hope that I can be better. That on a daily, I can open my bible and pray to God just like how I did in my younger days; that I can be hungry for His word; that I can pray for every person I know; that I can have that wow moment in my quiet time; that God would bless the work of my hands; that I can love like Him; that I can be Christlike. 

But not every day is a day that the Lord has made like what I used to sing every Sunday service. There are days, weeks and months that I am a complete mess, too difficult to understand, too conceited, too much of a sinner.


However,  regardless of my mess, I cannot keep Jesus away from me. He has been with me and in every part of me. That is the reason I cannot stand not to confess my mistakes and sins to God. My flaws don't shy-away the perfect love of Jesus. It draws me to Him even more. But should I keep on sinning (in the tone of Paul) certainly not! But while I'm here in this flesh, in my fallen nature, I will have flaws, mistakes, and failures.


So let me share this conclusion from Michael Yaconelli, I hope this also shed a light into your messy spirituality. 


"Freedom in Christ. What a nice concept. Sadly, most Christians are frightened of freedom. Ever since Jesus announced,“You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free,” many in the church have tried to explain away His remark:“What Jesus meant is that we are free not to sin.” Which is true. We are free not to sin. And we are also free to sin.

The radical truth of freedom in Christ is that I am free to choose good or bad, right or wrong, this way or that way. I can choose to run to Christ or run away from Christ. Freedom in Christ means I am free from everyone else’s definition of freedom for me. Because I am free in Christ, when it comes to my relationship with him, he is the only one I answer to. Because I am free in Christ, I am free from other people’s concern that I might not use my freedom well.

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 3:17,“And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” The psalmist said,“I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.” Freedom clearly is connected to seeking out God’s precepts, which means those who seek to follow God’s commands are set free to roam in the wide-open spaces of his love. God’s Word makes it clear He trusts us with freedom, even though it can be misused, even though he knows we might not be able to handle it. All He can do is leave us with His words, His precepts, and then let us figure out how a spiritual person would act in the context of our lives."


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1 komento:

  1. Can totally relate to this, Eunice. Thank you for enlightening me. Your words encourage me to run to God instead of running away.
    I’m currently in the same situation as yours but let me share you also how I figured out to be out of that mess. Always go back to Jesus. He is the sure foundation of everything. Thank you for this! Will be waiting for your next entry.

    Love,
    Kate

    TumugonBurahin